Fortunately it wasn't too much longer that the police stayed at our house. They asked me if there were any other incidents other then the night of the assault that they should know about, but I just shook my head no, not wanting to report anything about the night at Billy's apartment. After all I didn't remember most of the night anyway and I was afraid that it could get Scott into trouble and even with the fact that the picture had been posted in the school, I just wanted everything to go away.
I felt I had done enough telling them who had raped me. Both my parents looked stunned that it was a teacher from our school but now that I had told I couldn't take it back.
I hoped I wouldn't regret telling but I felt so much pressure to do so. Before bedtime Elizabeth called for me and invited me to go to another group session the next day. It would be Wednesday the day of the freshman game and I wanted to go to support my former squad but Elizabeth really wanted us to go to group. Considering what I had been through I gave in and agreed to go. I told her about the police being over and that I had told the police who the rapist was.
She said she was very proud of me for that. I was very surprised that she didn't ask me who it was but she didn't. I told her that everything had gone okay with the doctor and that my bruised ribs were doing better and she was happy about that. I was surprised when she asked me if I would like to spend the night with her after the group session. I told her I'd have to check with my parents. I was a little worried about how I would feel about this since the last time I had spent the night there was the night I had been raped.
But I told myself I had to get over that and try to live my life and I loved spending time with Elizabeth as she always brightened my day. I told her I would check with my mom and let her know tomorrow and we said our goodnights. My mother came up to check on me before I got to sleep and she asked me how I was doing. I told her I was okay. She told me we would need to talk about what I was going to do about my condition and I told her I knew we would need to talk.
She rubbed my knee and told me to try to get some sleep. She told me she was proud of me for helping the police. She told me she was sorry she had failed to protect me from getting hurt and she started to cry.
This made me feel really bad and I hugged her and cried too. I told her there was nothing she could do that it wasn't her fault.
She told me that everything was her fault and her responsibility. She promised she would try to do better and then again told me goodnight.
We hugged a while until she left my room. I felt bad for all that had happened and worse that she felt responsible. I then knew if she felt responsibility I shared some as well.
I did not get much sleep that night. How could I, pregnant, almost everyone in school seeing my picture with a cock in my mouth, all of the popular students in the senior class having seen Scott break up with me after the game Friday night I had little to look forward to at school tomorrow.
I wasn't sure how I could even face everyone but I didn't imagine I had a choice. I felt exhausted and numb but the morning came. I couldn't help feeling bad for Sherri too as she was guilty by association. But she didn't try to get out of driving me to school the next morning. When we stopped at school I grabbed her wrist a minute and stopped her from getting out. "Sherri, I'm sorry about all this, I'm sorry that I embarrassed you and our family," I said to her softly.
She looked at me softly, her eyes moist. "You didn't, Tori, it's not your fault, just hold you head up high and we'll all get through this, okay," she asked?
I blinked back tears but nodded. "Thanks," I said and we both got out of the car. As I made it into the hallways at school I was relieved to see Elizabeth there waiting for me. "Hey," I said. "Hey back," she said back. "You mean you're still willing to be seen with me, brave soul," I said with a timid giggle. "Well with you in tow, I doubt they are talking about me much, so it makes my life easy," Elizabeth said with a sly smile. I just rolled my eyes and laughed as she had a point, with my reputation and the picture of me that was in the school only a couple days ago I had to be the talk of the school.
She walked me along the hall to my first class and I felt so embarrassed as I heard people whispering and saw their eyes looking at me. Just as I got almost to my first classroom I saw something that made my heart jump for a moment and then sink into my stomach. I saw Scott walking down the hallway towards me but about half way there he stopped and turned to Sara at her locker and leaned in and kissed her.
I stood there staring stunned frozen on my feet watching my. . my ex.
. my ex-boyfriend kiss his previous ex-girlfriend. It hurt like a knife cutting into my stomach and then I just wanted to melt into the ground. I then suddenly felt a hand take my hand, and another in my back and Elizabeth guided me into my first period classroom.
"Stay focused on class, okay," she asked? I looked up at her, my eyes focusing on hers and I nodded fighting back not to cry. I got tough with myself and told myself that I would refuse to cry and I managed to do so. I walked to my regular seat and watched her leave a look of sympathy on her face. I managed to listen to about half of what the teacher had to say and did catch the important part what chapters from our book would be on a test on Friday.
My next two classes went okay although I had a few of the dirty pictures of me stuffed into my locker and it aggravated me beyond belief to have to take them out and trash them. I could hardly believe he would do something that cruel. Elizabeth met me outside my third period class and we headed to the cafeteria. At the cheerleader table I got a couple dirty looks and so did Elizabeth.
I could not believe how good a friend she was to still stand by me and not just send me off to the geek table. Or maybe the slut table, where I probably belonged. We both seemed to stay out of the conversation and I was happy when lunch was over. The hardest scrutiny I felt was from teacher's eyes, I felt like every teacher, especially the female teachers were looking at me as if I was dirt off their shoes.
You know I have to believe a good percentage of my fellow female classmates gave head to their boyfriends too, so why was I getting the looks like I was some type of diseased slut. I swear it felt like they could see the baby sitting in my womb like they somehow knew I was pregnant. But I kept my mouth shut and gladly headed to my afternoon classes.
I felt really bad when in my last class I was talking to one of the freshman cheerleaders and I told her that I wasn't going to make the game because I had something else my mom needed me to do. Rather then being disappointed she said that was probably for the better as it would keep the focus on them and the game, not me in the stands. That hurt and I felt like a filthy dirty creature. After that I couldn't wait to leave school but at least I had survived the day. I went home and cleaned up and put on music to try to take my mind off things.
I had dinner with my family and the conversation was all small talk. I had asked my mom about spending the night at Elizabeth's that night and she wasn't real supportive at first with it being a school night but she gave in as long as I promised it was not any type of social thing but just Elizabeth and I. I packed a bag and grabbed it as I headed out of the door and off to group we went.
After the day I had, I was pretty down when we got to the meeting. I also felt a bit more comfortable sitting there, and felt less like I was standing out and like everyone was starring at me. Actually it felt good because no one there other then Elizabeth had seen the picture of me with a cock in my mouth so I felt less judged there then I had all day.
With all that in mind, I actually listened more today then I had any of the other sessions I had attended. I learned how other women felt also having guilt about their rape and no matter what, the fact that they had said the word "No" should have been enough. I learned that it is important to be careful of the situations you place yourself in, but that you can't beat yourself up for what is in the past.
You can only learn from it and work to keep yourself in safer situations. Some of the things really got to me and brought me to tears and I was glad I wasn't there alone as I felt Elizabeth's hand touch my hand when I felt myself crying. I made it through the meeting and I think for the first time I understood why people went to those sessions. The question was could I do what it took to open up my heart and mind to accept help and to open up with myself and others what had happened to me.
We left the meeting quietly and Elizabeth was quiet in the car after, she just asked me if I was okay to which I answered just by nodding. She knew enough to let me wind down and I was surprised as we were heading to the football stadium. As we got there she stopped the car short in the parking lot and asked me, "Up to making an appearance?" "Sure," I said so she pulled forward and we parked and headed into the last 15 minutes of the game.
It felt good to walk around and hear the cheers at the game. It felt kind of weird not to be down on the field with the freshman squad. I realized how it could be beneficial to start out with the freshman squad as the pressure was so much less then varsity.
It gave you time to learn to cheer and to learn to perform and to be in front of an audience. With the varsity squad it felt like you could not make a mistake as the whole school seemed to be watching and I missed being down there with the other freshman girls.
Elizabeth and I found seats next to the cheerleader sponsor and I was glad he was there as I think that helped me to avoid students from making comments regarding the picture that went around school. He spoke with us and pointed out some things and gave me some pointers on things I could improve. We weren't there too long before Elizabeth asked me if I was ready to go just a few minutes before the end of the game.
I agreed and we headed out, heading to her place. When we got to her house her mom greeted us and fixed us some hot chocolate. She put marshmallows in it of different colors and we play argued about who wanted the pink ones and not the green ones. We had a fun visit and it lightened the mood and finally after a while we headed up to Elizabeth's room for the night.
I was getting really nervous because I knew I had some heart cleansing to do as I had not yet told Elizabeth I was pregnant and I also felt I owed her a big thank you for everything she had done for me and for standing by me as a friend. After we got upstairs and settled we changed into our night clothes and hopped into her pretty king sized bed.
If you saw her room you would not think of it as a high school girl's type of room. She did not have a bunch of boy band posters on her walls or anything like that. Instead her room looked more like a college professor's room or someone of great intelligence.
She had an enormous bookcase with tons of books everything from hard bound classics, to harlequin romances. She had shelves of "Cosmo" and "Life" and "Newsweek." She had a nice desk with an expensive looking lamp with her school books and a computer and printer and lots of paper and pens.
She had elegant looking curtains and her walk in closet could be a room of its own. The clothes in her closet were so organized and made me feel like an immature baby for how my room looked. I could see why her appearance always looked so polished as her clothes were all hanging or folded and nothing was lying around on the floor.
Don't get me wrong she did have a place for her cheerleading things including trophies and metals and spirit sticks from cheer camp. But even all of this was in cabinets and looked so organized and I felt so very comfortable there and it helped me to build my nerve to say to her the things I needed to say. When the chit chat came to a pause, I decided to get serious and to talk to her about how I felt and to tell her about my pregnancy. I didn't know what else to do but to start at the beginning.
"Elizabeth, I need to tell you how much your friendship means to me. I don't have any idea how I would have survived the last couple weeks if you weren't my friend. I know we haven't known each other very long, but the way you have opened your heart to me and been there for me has made such a difference in my life.
I know the other day you told me that you were sorry for what happened at the theater but I can tell you that I don't regret one moment of that day or any other day we have spent time together. I don't regret what we did as it was time I got to spend with you and like everything else we do, because I was with you it means the world to me. Anyway, I also need to tell you thank you for everything you've done to help me through the hard times. You didn't have any reason to be there for me yet you decided to be.
I couldn't have made it through everything without you and your friendship means so much to me." As usual Elizabeth handled this perfect better then I could have expected, she sat and let me talk and let me say what I needed to say without stopping me or contradicting me or without turning down my thanks.
She listened to my every word and waited for me to finish before saying what she wanted to say. She began, "Tori, you don't have to thank me for being your friend. Ever since I first met you, I loved your energy and your smile and the wide eyed way you look at the world. I see so much of myself in you, just a few years ago and it made me want to get to know you and to help you and be there with you.
I see an energy in you that I don't always have and I feed off your energy. I love your smile and your na?t?nd how you look at things and it makes me want to be around you.
So you don't owe me thanks, I owe you thanks for letting me be your friend too." I listened to her and blushed at her comments and felt so flattered that she wanted to be my friend. It felt so weird to me because I felt so insignificant and it was hard for me to understand why anyone would see anything in me. "You're welcome," I said back to her. Then took a deep breath and decided to tell her the other thing I needed to tell her.
"Elizabeth there's something else I have to tell you that I'm ashamed of," I said. "Go ahead," she said. I looked down and took a deep breath gathering my strength. "I'm pregnant," I said.
Her eyes opened wide with a look of surprise. "Okay," she said. I looked at her with surprise, "Okay," I asked? "What do you want me to say or do Tori, do you want me to freak out, or to stop being your friend, or to get upset," she asked? I looked at the ground showing my lack of self confidence. Not sure what to say.
Elizabeth started explaining, "Tori, it doesn't make any difference to me that you are pregnant. That doesn't change who you are as a person. It doesn't matter if your Scott's girlfriend or not.
It doesn't matter if you're a cheerleader or not. The fact that you have a baby inside you, doesn't change who you are as a person. I feel the same way about you now that I felt five minutes ago. It doesn't change how I feel about you. Only how you treat me, and act with me could effect how I feel about you." I looked at her listening to her thinking about what she said but there was something I just didn't understand and that was why she cared about me at all.
I took a deep breath and decided to ask. "Why do you care about me," I asked looking down. Fortunately I looked up at her to see her respond. I watched her face and as was very rare I saw her blush and look nervous and unsure of her answer. She took in a deep breath and let it out again. "Because I care about you deeply," she said. "Why," I asked again. She let out a smile of frustration.
"Because I do," she said. This time I smiled and blushed. We stretched out back on the bed getting in under the covers. After we got under the covers Elizabeth's hand found mine and we held each others hand.
I'm not sure why because with everything going wrong in my life there was no reason to be happy but I found myself relaxed and smiling. She then asked me, "So what do you think you're going to do about being pregnant?" I let out a loud sigh and had to think about it and then I answered her, "I haven't really had much time to think about it yet. I ummm, don't think I could ummm you know, ummm 'end it.'" She nodded thinking about that option. "No that would be pretty harsh, but you are very young to have a baby," she said.
"And I'm not sure yet how my parents feel, I mean if they would even consider letting me keep a baby," I said. "Yeah they're probably not too ready to be grandparents," she agreed. "But I'm not sure if I could carry a baby for nine months and then just give it away to strangers," I added. "There are a lot of people who can't have kids of their own Tori," she said. "Yeah I know but how does someone give away something that is that much a part of you," I asked?
"I mean it would be part of me. How do I give that away and not hate myself," I asked? "I don't know," she said. "Can you imagine what everyone is going to say at school once they know," I said. Elizabeth tightened her hold on my hand and shook it hard a second and let out a sigh and then said to me, "Tori, that is something you need to learn, it doesn't matter what anyone thinks or says, as long as you are being a good person in your own heart no one else has the right to judge you.
You worry too damn much about what other people think. You need to work on that, I don't care what anyone thinks, and that's why I was able to walk around with you at school even after Scott put that picture out." I looked at her and listened to what she said and thought about it. She was right, although I always thought of it as brave, but somehow she didn't let what other people said bother her.
It was her blas?ttitude that kept everyone wondering if she had a college boyfriend or was she Liz the lez. "Yeah you're right I just don't know how you do it," I said softly. "I just tell myself I am above all that and if I acknowledge what they are saying it just makes them circle even closer like sharks after blood," she said. "Its not that I don't hear what they say and that some of the things don't hurt me, I have feelings too, but I don't let them know it bothers me and if they don't think it does, they usually let it go," she added.
I nodded thinking about what she said. Going over it in my mind again and again, trying to tell myself I could be like her. I took a minute and looked over at her. She was so incredibly beautiful inside and out. She is one of those girls, that when you first look at her you don't realize how beautiful she really is. She could seriously get away without any makeup.
Her natural olive skin tone varies and she has color in her face unlike me miss pasty white ghost. Her lips have a natural soft red color and she doesn't have to wear lipstick if she doesn't want to. Her physical frame is tall and feminine. Her beautiful brown eyes are very striking and catch many people's attention.
She has naturally long eye lashes and does not ever need to wear fake lashes. Her hair is a long straight beautiful black and she doesn't color her hair nor should she. Her body and clothing always manage to make her look exquisite and never seem out of place. Her most powerful feature is just her persona, how she caries herself, Elizabeth exudes confidence a genuine attitude that she knows who she is, that she is proud of who she is, and that she doesn't worry about what other people think.
When she looks at you it makes you question yourself and makes you wonder if you have a hair out of place or if you are imperfect. Yet there she was laying inches from me, looking at me as I looked at her, with a soft expression on her face.
Even her night clothes, what she wore to bed, gave her a look of elegance. Her top was a sky blue silk tank top with spaghetti straps over her shoulders that crossed in back and ended about mid back, in front I could see the shape of her breasts.
Not huge, but so firm like most women want to have C-cup size firm breasts. Through the material I could see the shape of her areola and nipples each rising just a bit above the other creating such a natural beautiful shape.
Her bottoms were the same color and material, silk boy shorts, that fit firm around her hips and opened softly at the tops of her legs, just below the base of her firm bottom. Somehow, even in nightwear Elizabeth managed to look fantastic. "So," I started, "What do YOU think of me," I asked? She let out a deep breath and looked into my eyes taking a few minutes to think about her answer. "I think you are an amazingly beautiful young woman.
I think you have no idea how much your smile and attitude light up a room. I think you have a huge loving heart and no one knows how softhearted and caring you are. I think I love being around you," she said softly and suddenly I realized and felt how close our faces were to each other.
Her eyes never left mine, they were locked on mine and wouldn't let me look away. She then reached over and pushed my hair from my face. Something then happened, I never anticipated nor did I expect how it would make me feel. A rush of butterflies went down into my stomach, and I felt nervous and unconfident and at the same time excited and. . aroused. All this because she closed her eyes and kissed me. The first kiss was nothing crazy but just a few seconds with lips closed and puckered softly.
But the seconds it lasted left my heart pounding. It was so different from any kiss I had ever shared with anyone else. Especially different from any kiss I had ever received from Scott. When Scott kissed me, I felt strength and power and intensity from him and I felt timid and small and a total lack of control. But her kiss felt so different, it felt so soft, tender and gentle and left me wanting more. It was followed quickly by a second, then third and forth kiss, all the same as the first until the forth when her lips opened slightly and moved up a tiny bit pulling my upper lip between her lips.
She tugged my upper lip gently between hers for a moment then her lips moved to my bottom lip and she did the same. When she released that lip I opened my eyes in time to see her looking with open eyes at mine. We made eye contact and she smiled and then her eyes closed again and her mouth touched mine again.
This time her tongue came out from between her lips and pushed gently at my lips. I didn't want to resist her at all and let her tongue push between my lips and as it did she turned her head a bit more to the side and I felt her open her mouth more. Without hesitation I did the same and I felt myself sharing the most tender intimate kiss that I have ever felt.
It is hard for me to explain the difference in this kiss and any other kiss I had ever had but the best I can explain it is that for every other kiss I have ever had with a guy, the kiss felt like just the introduction to much more, a notice that he was going to do more to me.
This kiss felt nothing like that, it felt like a moment in time all to itself, not meaning anything further other than that moment, that feeling that sharing of a feeling. Each kiss with her meant nothing more then one kiss with no further expectation and I felt more safe kissing her then and there then any other kiss I had ever had.
There was no further assumed expectation for me to perform some other act other then to enjoy the kiss at hand. That feeling was so intense and powerful that I can not tell you how long or how many times we kissed. I just know I loved each and every one. I loved every moment between kisses, when we took a moment and looked into each other's eyes and shared a smile.
I loved each of those moments as one of us closing our eyes, then told the other that we would kiss again. I loved when I felt us both roll onto our sides facing each other and put an arm around each others backs holding each other gently.
I don't think until that moment, had I ever understood what it felt like to share the same desire as the person I was with. When I was with Scott, nothing I ever wanted mattered. Everything with him was about what he wanted and expected from me. That was probably my fault as much as it was his as I accepted that expectation. But what felt so amazing and different about this is that I felt no expectation from Elizabeth other then to share the kiss we were sharing.
I didn't know if there would be another and it didn't matter. Each moment, each touch was enough for that point in time, nothing else mattered, and there was no further expectation there. That became more evident as at one point the kisses stopped and she gently touched her forehead to mine and our noses touched. We held like that quiet a while with our eyes closed just listening to each other breath and holding each other. I felt safe and close to another person like only I felt with my family, yet this wasn't my family, this was different this was a friend or.
. . I couldn't help it and couldn't keep the words out of my mind, "Liz the lez." But what surprised me most about it was that I didn't care, it didn't matter. What did that mean anyway? Did that word really matter?
Should I care or think about what it meant? Did it mean I was that too? All I knew at that moment was that I didn't care what it meant, that it didn't matter to me what the word meant, and I didn't care if it meant I was that word also.
I knew I trusted her, I knew I liked her and I knew I felt safe with her. I knew that there was no one else in the world I wanted to be kissing right then more then Elizabeth. We kissed like that for a while and then she settled down on her back. I snuggled closer to her and lay on my side facing her. I rested my head on her shoulder and closed my eyes feeling her put an arm around me.
I felt closer to her that moment then I ever have with anyone other then maybe my mother when I was a little girl. The minutes slowly passed and I heard her say in a whisper, "Goodnight." And I answered her with only one word of my own, "Goodnight." And I drifted off to sleep, sleeping without nightmare for the first time in ages. To be continued.